Am I Allana or Amelia?
by FelsGoddess
Summary: Allana Solo's diary. Begins right before her 7th birthday.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Am I Allana or Amelia?  
Author(s): FelsGoddess  
Timeframe: Post- LOTF and on-going  
Characters: Allana Solo, Han, Leia, Jaina, Tenel Ka, etc.  
Genre: Diary  
Keywords: Allana's diary  
Summary: Allana's private diary a few months after Legacy of the Force Invincible and onward. Explores her thoughts regarding Jacen, Tenel Ka, other family members and galatic events.  
Notes: There will be spoilers from _Millennium Falcon_ and the Fate of the Jedi novels. These will be noted.  
Disclaimer: The word belongs to Lucas.

----

Grandma Leia gave me this datapad so I can write down how I'm feeling. She says it'll make me feel better.

My name is Allana, datapad, around a few people and Amelia to everyone else. My mommy is Queen Mother of Hapes and my daddy is dead.

My daddy was a bad, bad man. Aunt Jaina said he was a Sith Lord. He didn't used to be bad. He used to come and visit me and mommy and play with me. I don't know everything he did, but I know more than the adults think I do. I know he killed Mara.

I don't understand how it happened. He was really nice. It makes me sad to think about him.  
I'm on Grandpa Han's ship right now. Next week is my birthday. I get to spend it on Hapes with my mommy. I wish I still had long red hair like my mommy. Grandma Leia had to cut it off and dye it black so I look different.

I'm supposed to be going to sleep, datapad. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han told me goodnight. Aunt Jaina will coming in here to sleep soon. If I listen really hard, I can hear her and grandpa arguing about the Falcon. They always do that.

Uncle Luke and Ben are coming, too. I think it's suppose to be a Jedi thing, too. I'm not sure. Me coming is a big secret to everyone. I'm supposed to be dead.

I'm a lot of people. That's a lot for a six year old. I'll be seven soon, though.  
I can hear Aunt Jaina coming. I better turn this off. Goodnight, datapad.

--

---  
Today is my birthday. I'm 7.

Mommy gave me a party with all my family. I wish Grandpa Isolder was here. I don't know how he died, but I think Daddy did it. Mommy says he died a hero. Some other people in my family are dead, too. They died when I was supposed to.

I have to stay hidden in the deep rooms of the palace so nobody sees me.

It's stupid.

I love being here with Mommy, but I can't go anywhere, datapad. I have to stay in a couple rooms so no one sees me for too long. Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han and Mommy argued a long time about if I could even see Mommy on my birthday. Uncle Luke said he'd say it was Jedi meeting. The Jedi kids are still in the Hapes Cluster. I wonder if they'll stay here. I hope so. When I learn to be a Jedi, I want to stay near Mommy.

I got some neat stuff for my birthday. Aunt Jaina gave me some photocube thing that only shows pictures when I touch it. She said so I can have pictures of Mommy and Hapes on it. It must have cost a lot of credits cause Grandpa Han said something about the Sword of the Jedi isn't paid that much.

I wish I knew what that was. Nobody will tell me what the Sword of the Jedi means, datapad. Does it mean Aunt Jaina has a special job? Is she really good with her lightsaber?

Aunt Jaina said that it was from Jag, too. Grandpa Han started to say something, but Grandma Leia stepped on his foot to make him be quiet. She does that a lot. I wonder if Grandpa Han has any broken toes.

Grandma and Grandpa gave me some bookchips and hair combs. I hate my short hair. I think Grandma Leia was trying to make me feel better. I do, but I still want my long hair. Mommy used to braid it every morning after she braided hers.

Uncle Luke and Ben gave me stuff from Hapes. Mommy gave me her mommy's first hunting knife and some of her stuff.

I bet Grandma Leia won't let me play with it, datapad. She's weird like that.

The best part of my birthday has been staying with Mommy. She's meeting with some important person right now, then she's going to come tell me a story before bed. I can't wait. I don't want to leave, datapad, but we have to. We have to leave in three days.

I get to spend all day with Mommy tomorrow. Everyone else is going to check on the Jedi. I think Ben really wants to leave. He keeps turning red when some of Mommy's cousins talk to him. Grandpa Han and Aunt Jaina keep making fun of him for it. I wonder what Taryn says to him that makes him turn red. It's probably really gross, like when Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han kiss each other a lot.

I hear Mommy coming! Goodnight, datapad.

--

--  
I'm on the _Falcon_, leaving Hapes. I told mommy goodbye in her room. She couldn't walk me to the ship. People can't see her say goodbye to some orphan that she isn't suppose to care about.

I guess I should explain a few things to you, datapad. I bet you're confused.

My Mommy is the queen mother of the Hapes Cluster. My Daddy was Jacen solo. He was a Jedi that went bad. I didn't know he was my daddy until he kidnapped me. He used to visit us a lot. He gave me a stuffed tauntaun once.

Daddy fought in a war. This is where I get confused. During a big fight, I could hear Daddy in my head telling me and Mommy to be careful. The Imperial Moffs made a nanovirus, whatever that is, from Grandpa Isolder to kill us. Mommy lied and said it killed me. She asked Grandpa Han and Grandma Leia to take care of me under the name Amelia. Hapes people like to try to kill royalty.

I have to pretend that Grandpa Han and Grandma Leia are my parents around almost everyone or in public. It's stupid. I had to get my pretty red hair cut short and dyed black.

Do you understand, datapad?

The Moffs that tried to kill me didn't get in trouble. At least, not with Mommy. Jag got put in charge of them. They must act like babies cause Aunt Jaina always tells Grandma Leia That Jag says he's a babysitter.

I think they should get in trouble. I got in trouble for lying to Mommy once. Trying to kill people is a lot worse than that.

I guess that's why Grandpa Isolder died. I have a lot of dead people in my family, datapad. My Mommy's parents, Grandpa Han's friend Chewbacca, Uncle Anakin, my Daddy and Mara. I wish I had met everyone. They all sound really neat.

Aunt Jaina took a StealthX from the Jedi base at the Mists. She said she had to go take care of some stuff. I'm not sure where we are going yet. I hope it's something fun. Sitting around thinking about mommy makes me sad.

Mommy and I did lots of fun stuff together. I wish I didn't have to leave her. Her job makes her sad sometimes, I think. I hope it's not always sad. I have to do it someday. She told me she became Queen because her Mommy died. I hope my Mommy doesn't have to die.

Grandma Leia is calling me, datapad. I have to go. Goodbye.

--

____  
Good evening, datapad. I really need to write in you tonight. It's been a sad day.

I'm sorry for not writing in you the past couple weeks. We went to visit Uncle Lando and Aunt Tendra for a couple weeks. Uncle Lando tried to teach me Sabacc but Grandma Leia stopped him. I guess she doesn't know Aunt Jaina already taught me the basics.

It all started this morning. I got up and went into the kitchen to eat breakfast. Grandpa Han had a bowl of cereal out for me. He was standing by the sink. His eyes were red. I think he had been crying. Grandma Leia wasn't at the table like she usually was. He told me good morning, but was quiet while I ate.

I went to my lessons with 3PO as usual. Today we went over history, mathematics and Basic. It was so boring. I like hearing about some history, but when 3PO tells it, it's so boring. I've heard Uncle Luke, Grandpa Han, Grandma Leia and Wedge Antilles tell me about the first Death Star fight. It's much more exciting when Grandpa Han and Wedge tell it than anyone else. 3PO tells me all these stupid details that don't seem to matter. Right now, we are reading about the fall of the Old Republic and the Clone Wars.

After that, I ate lunch. Grandma Leia was there. I know she was crying. Her cheeks were still wet. I gave her a hug. I don't know if it helped. She still seemed sad. I wanted to know what was going on, but something told me not to ask, datapad.

We went to the Jedi Temple so I can practice with Uncle Luke. Sometimes I work with kids my own age. It's safer for me to work with Uncle Luke. The less people I'm around who know my mommy, the better. Mommy taught me how to put up mental shields a long time ago to keep people out.

Uncle Luke was sad, too, but he still worked with me on levitation. He wasn't doing a very good job. He kept staring off into space. I finally got sick of it and asked him what was going on.

Today is my Daddy and Aunt Jaina's birthday.

I'm really glad I didn't ask Grandma Leia or Grandpa Han.

Awhile ago, on Uncle Anakin's birthday, everybody was really sad, too. It was different than this. We all had dinner together. Everybody was sad, but they still talked about Anakin. No one has said anything about my daddy all day.

I don't understand, datapad. Nobody talks about my daddy. I've seen a few holos of him that mommy had and some of grandma and grandpa's but that's it. I think I've only heard his name said three times after he died. One time was right after the battle, one was on the news before Uncle Luke changed it and another was at a restaurant where Grandpa Han and Jag almost got arrested.

I bet you'd like to hear that story, datapad.

Me, Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han, Aunt Jaina, Jag, Uncle Luke, Ben, Aunt Tendra, Uncle Lando and Chance were at a restaurant eating lunch. I was pretending to be Amelia. Some big, ugly guy walked up to our table and called Aunt Jaina a murderer. He started to go after her, but Jag and Grandpa Han jumped up and yelled at him, and then knocked him down. Some of the guy's friend joined in. Grandma Leia grabbed me and covered my ears so I couldn't hear what they were saying. Tendra was doing that to Chance. Uncle Luke and Uncle Lando broke up the fight. Some law enforcement people came and tried to arrest everyone, but Uncle Luke had a chat with the officer to keep them out of jail.

It's really funny when Uncle Luke has chats with people. They get really scared for some reason. I don't know why. Uncle Luke is really nice. He didn't hold up his lightsaber or a blaster. That's what Grandpa Han does. He shows people he's mad at his blaster. They usually listen. I would, if I were them.

Jaina was really upset and left with Jag. I asked Uncle Luke why that man said what he did and he said it's not important right now.

I don't know why some mean guy would say Aunt Jaina was a killer and talk about my daddy. Aunt Jaina fought a Sith Lord named Darth Cadeus. I heard that on the news. My daddy's name is Jacen. He was Sith. Where there two of them?

Anyway, back to today.

I asked Uncle Luke about my daddy. He was sad, but he said it was okay to ask. He told me that my daddy used to take care of lots of animals when he was little. He said that Daddy got in lots of trouble with Aunt Jaina and Uncle Anakin. He told me about when they melted a droid and then he told me a story about when Uncle Luke and Mommy worked together to rescue my Daddy and Aunt Jaina and their friend Lowie.

I'm glad I know some about my daddy now. I still have nightmares of when he was scary and mean. I don't know why he was mean. He was never mean to me. He lied to me and didn't tell me he was my daddy for awhile, but that was to protect me. He was never mean to me.

Wait a minute, datapad.

Did Aunt Jaina kill my daddy? I don't understand. I don't know who to ask. My daddy's name was Jacen, not Cadeus. She fought someone named Cadeus.

Darth Vader was a Sith. He did lots of bad stuff. Stuff a lot worse that I heard daddy did. I heard that Darth Vader choked people. My daddy didn't do that, did he?

Datapad, I'm confused. Daddy loved me. I could feel it. Sith can't love people. Maybe that Cadues guy was making daddy do bad stuff.

Mommy told me my daddy died, but not how.

I'm scared, datapad. What if Aunt Jaina did kill my daddy? Does that mean she's bad, too?

If that guy knew, everyone else must. They don't act mad. I guess I can ask Uncle Luke, but do I want to know? Maybe I'm just being silly. It's been a sad day. Everyone is just sad that my daddy isn't here on his birthday.

That's it. That has to be what's going on.

I want to finish talking about my day.

I asked Uncle Luke to let me call Aunt Jaina. She was still gone. I heard Ben say Aunt Jaina had found some spies and busted them. He said yes and took me to his office to call. It took awhile for her answer. Uncle Luke said that was because the time was different where she was. She looked really sad when she answered. I told her happy birthday and tried to cheer her up. She laughed a little bit when I told her how boring 3PO is.

I went home after that. I hope I made Aunt Jaina feel better. I wanted to make Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han feel better. We watched some old holodrama they really like, but I think it's stupid. It's about some princess and pirate. It makes them laugh a lot. They laughed some tonight. I sat through it so they'd feel better. They seem to feel better. I hope so. I hope Grandma didn't cry herself to sleep.

Okay, datapad, that's my day. I'm really tired and confused. I hope that everything will be okay.

I really hope I don't have any bad dreams about my daddy.  
_____

--  
Boys are weird, datapad.

Are you a boy or girl? I guess it doesn't matter.

Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han and Uncle Luke went to some political dinner thing. They took 3PO with them so Cousin Ben had to stay with me. He didn't like it at all.

The evening started out okay. Grandma Leia had dinner delivered. We ate on the couch watching a movie that I know I'm not supposed to watch. I wasn't going to say anything, though. Ben said we didn't have to watch it. I'm not a baby. I can handle it.

I'm just not tired. That's why I can't sleep. I know that a monster isn't going to come in my room and drink my blood.

I'm pretty sure.

I hope not.

Okay, stop being a baby, Allana. Ben won't let anything get you. He's tough.

There.

Ben, that's what I was going to tell you about datapad. Ben is weird. We were watching the movie and he kept staring at the blond lady. I don't know why. She wasn't very pretty and her clothes were ripped. She wasn't smart, either. You shouldn't go home with strangers. That's how you get kidnapped and your blood drank.

After the movie ended, we were playing. I touched his hair and he flipped out. Okay, maybe I didn't touch it, more like threw water on it but still, it's just water. He went into the bathroom and tried to fix it for twenty minutes.

And he calls me a baby.

After Ben quit acting like a baby, he made me go to bed. I can hear him watching another movie I'm probably not supposed to watch. It's actually past my bedtime now. I could handle the movie, but I think I'll just stay in here. I don't want to get in trouble. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han will be home soon. I bet Grandpa Han is already whining to leave. He does that a lot. He gets in trouble a lot, too.

Maybe I can get Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han to take me to the zoo soon. I like seeing the animals. I can get them to calm down and come near me. I touched a snake once that was supposed to be mean, but it just sat there. It only bites when it's scared. I told it I wasn't scary.

I hope we get to do something fun soon, datapad. Sitting here is boring. I think Grandpa Han gets really bored sitting around doing nothing. I don't think he knows how to sit still.

Datapad, there was just a tap on the window. I don't see anything out there, but maybe I'll open my door, just in case, so Ben can hear.

Ben just turned off the movie. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han are coming, I bet. I better turn this off and get in bed.

Good night, datapad.

There's nothing outside.

I hope.  
--


	2. Chapter 2

---  
It's 0345, datapad. I had a nightmare. I don't want to go get Grandma and Grandpa. They'd want me to talk about it and it will make them sad.

It was about Daddy.

I was in a dark scary forest. Vines, trees and other plants were closed around me. I could hear the screaming of animals. I could feel fear surrounding me and the animals hiding. I was running away from something. I could feel a dark force trying to get me. I ran and ran until I ran into a cave. I was trapped. I tried to hide in the back of the cave, but it found me. I was wet, dirty and my hair was burned. It was red again.

I found a group of vines stuck to the back wall. I tried to hide behind them but it didn't work. I could hear a voice calling my name. It sounded almost sweet and loving, but there was this evil sound. It begged me to turn around. I looked.

It was my Daddy. He was staring at me with yellow eyes, one hand out to grab mine. He walked over and knelt next to me. He put an arm around me and forced me to look at him. He said I shouldn't be scared but I was. He said that he burned everything for me. Then I heard a noise. My Mommy appeared. Daddy jumped up and ran at her. He lit his lightsaber and swung it at her.

Then I woke up. I don't want to tell grandma and grandpa about the dream. It makes them sad to talk about Daddy. I hope he wasn't trying to kill Mommy. I hope he never tried to kill Mommy. He said he loved her. Why would you kill someone you love?

I'm scared, datapad. Did daddy do bad stuff because of me? Uncle Luke says Jedi choose to go to the dark side by themselves. He says they don't care about who they hurt. Uncle Luke says love brings you back. I don't understand that. I loved Daddy. So did Mommy, Grandpa, and everybody else. Wasn't that enough? Or do you have to show it? How do you show it if the person won't see you?

Sometimes I think being a Jedi is too much. Grandpa Han does fine without the force. Lots of Jedi end up dead and bad. Uncle Luke, Daddy, Aunt jaina, that Alema girl, my Great-Grandfather, Kyp Durron all went bad. I don't want to go bad. I don't want to hurt my family. Aunt Jaina said Uncle Anakin was a great Jedi. Uncle Luke said Aunt Mara was a great Jedi. If they were great Jedi, why are they dead? I don't understand. Uncle Luke is a great Jedi, but he went dark. Do you have to go dark or be dead? What about Grandma? She never went dark. I hope she doesn't end up dead for a long time.

One day, I have to take mommy's job and be queen. I can't be bad. Lots of people would die. Mommy told me that she has to think really hard before doing anything because she has to think about all her people. Her job is hard and makes her sad. I don't want to be sad.

Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be Amelia forever. Amelia is an adopted orphan. Amelia will grow up to be anything. Amelia can be a holoactress or a pilot or a smuggler or a boss. Amelia doesn't know about queens and Sith and nanoviruses. Sometimes I wish I could be her forever.

But if I was always Amelia, I wouldn't have my Mommy. Mommy says that wishing for what we don't have makes it harder.

I have to stay Allana. I can hide behind Amelia in public. Amelia can get dirty and make messes. Princess Allana has to be neat and clean. Amelia can be silly. Allana has to behave. Allana has to be a queen.

I bet you think I'm space happy, datapad. I'm not. I just get confused sometimes. Being two people is hard work for a seven year old.

I'm going back to bed, datapad. I think I can sleep now. Goodnight.  
---

Good afternoon, datapad.

This morning I got to go to a real zoo. Grandma Leia went to a Jedi Council meeting. Grandpa Han took me. I was sitting with 3PO and doing my lessons. I think I was boring Grandpa Han as it was to me. We left 3PO at home.

I got to see so many animals! Grandpa Han wouldn't go in the bug house, though. He said they creeped him out too much. I don't know why. The ones in the bug house can't hurt you. I know there are some dangerous ones, but they aren't there.

One of the rontos got scared. It's keeper was poking him and scaring him. The ronto ran away from the keeper. I wanted to help him. I reached out to him with my mind and calmed him down. He walked up to me and I reached over the fence and touched his hide. He sneezed and then ran to the trainer and followed him.

We left after that. Grandpa Han was acting weird. We went to eat lunch, but he didn't eat much. I asked if I was in trouble, but he said no. I think I reminded him of Daddy.

Sometimes I wonder if Grandpa Han and Grandma Leia wish I didn't live with them. They look sad sometimes. I dont try to make people sad but I guess I do.

That's why I don't ask about daddy.

You got to think I'm a whiny baby, datpad, but I'm not. This is the only place I can talk about it. Mommy taught me to keep my innermost thoughts to myself. She said if someone knows my fears, they can find a way to hurt me. Mommy doesn't act like she is afraid of anything. I want to be brave like Mommy when I grow up. She is different than a lot of the Hapans.

In Hapes, the women are more powerful than the men. The men are servants and don't wear a lot of clothes. Even Grandpa Isolder had to bow down to Mommy. That's silly. I told him that but he said that was the way it is. I hate it when adults say that. I get told that when I have to eat vegetables. I have because they are good for me and that's the way it is.

Grandpa Han said we are going on a trip. He didn't tell me where yet. Though. I hope it's some place fun. I don't want to go to some place boring. I'd like to go to Mon Calamari or Chandrilla or Kashyyyk. Vortex would be neat, too. Oh and Corellia.

Oh! Grandma Leia is home! Maybe she'll tell me. See you later, datapad.  
---


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sitting on a dock on Corellia. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han came here to see Winter and Tycho. They are staying with Wedge and Iella. I like coming here. Something is always going on.

I'm sitting here with Wedge's kids, Myri and Syal. Syal is sad. Grandma said that Syal's fiancé died in the war. That's really sad. Myri tries to make her laugh. Sometimes she does.

I really like Myri. She told me that she is a spy. That's a really cool job. She showed me her disguise stuff. She said that she spied on her dad's friend Booster's ship. She changed outfits, even her hair, a lot. If Grandma Leia says it's okay, Myri said she color my hair blue! I hope she can. It washes out. Grandma Leia shouldn't worry.

All the adults keep talking about some political fight and slavers. Grandpa Han gets super mad about slaves. Aunt Jaina told me that he worked at a slave place and he saved his Wookiee friend Chewbacca from slaver people.

Slavery is so bad. Mommy told me about it. She said the slaves get hurt and have no rights. She said families get broken up. I'd be really mad is I was a slave. I'd be madder if someone took me away from Mommy.

I hope no kids are slaves. That'd be horrible!

Oh, datapad, I have to go. Syal says it's dinner time.

Datapad, I learned something sad.

I asked Grandma Leia about what was going on. I told her I heard about slaves. She said that a group of people are stealing kids and adults to work in mines. She didn't tell me anything else. She made me go to bed. I waited till she and Grandpa were asleep and snuck to third room were Grandma keeps her work stuff. I found holos taken of places kids were taken.

A stuffed Ewok was left in the middle of a room. It's leg was torn off and it's fur was singed.

The Ewok's friend misses him, I bet. I bet he's worried. I worried about my stuffed tauntaun. Who would put him to bed? I bet the Ewok is worried too. His best friend is missing.

I want to help the kids. I want to bring them to their mommies and daddies and grandma and grandpas and special friends.

I know stuffed animals aren't real, datapad, but they can still be your friend. Sometimes they are the only ones I could talk to.

We need to bring the little kid back to his Ewok. I bet he's sad.

****-  
Datapad, these people are bad. The people kidnapping the kids are taking them to work in mines to help make them money. I heard Iella say that the owners lost a lot of money in the war. What I don't understand is if they know who the bad guy is, why don't they arrest him? Grandma Leia is a Jedi; can't she do it? Uncle Luke says that Jedi have to protect people. Kids are people, just smaller.

Grandpa Han was telling Wedge about some slaves on Ylesia. He said they were brainwashed and forced to work in the dark. He said he was a pilot there and helped blow up the spice factory. I looked up Ylesia. It's a Hutt place. There was a fight there during the Yuuzhang Vong war.

I'm really happy I wasn't born during that war. I heard it was really scary. I saw holos of some of the Vong from the war. They look so mean! I asked 3PO about it during one of my history lessons. He said they hated machinery and killed lots of droids before they were stopped. He kept talking about the droids and got off on a rant. He does that a lot. Grandpa Han usually turns him off when he does that. Aunt Jaina showed me where the switch was, but she said I had to be sneaky about it. She and my daddy and Uncle Anakin used to turn 3PO off during their lessons and turn him back on right before the end. She said it worked for a little while, until Uncle Luke caught them.

The Vong were all relocated to some living planet Zonoma Sekot. Zonoma Sekot is a living planet. How neat is that? A planet that's actually alive. Aunt Jaina said they have living ships on the planet, but not like the living ships the Vong flew.

I have to go by Amelia here, datapad. I can't forget. I almost messed up at dinner, but Grandma Leia caught me. I don't know why it would be so bad for Wedge, Iella, Syal and Myri to know my real name. We trust them. They wouldn't tell. Mommy said it's important to keep my real name a secret because there are people that would hurt me if they knew the truth. I know about how the Hapes people try to kill heirs to the throne, but that's not the only reason. Mommy says I'll learn when I'm older. I don't know when that will be. It must have to do with the last war and my Daddy. I had to hide after he died. Are there people who didn't like him that would get me? I didn't think anyone knew he was my daddy. I didn't know for a long time.

I wonder if any of those kids lost their daddy or mommy.

I hope that the adults can figure out something soon. If I reach out with the Force, I can feel people in pain. I wonder if those are the kids. I hope not.

What happens if the adults don't fix this?


	4. Chapter 4

Note: The final entries jump in time. The age is noted.

Datapad, I'm upstairs at Iella and Wedge's house. Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han, Wedge, Iella, Tycho, Winter and Myri left two hours ago. Syal is staying with me.

I think they went to deal with the politicians in charge of the trade or something. I know it has to do with the slaves.

If there is one thing I have learned from Grandpa Han is that politicians usually don't get things done fast. He says there is a time to take things into your own hands. Is that what has to happen now? Uncle Luke tells me to look into the Force to know what to do. Mommy says to look into my heart.

What if my heart is wrong, datapad? What if the Force is wrong? I've heard what the other Jedi say. They say that my father followed his heart and the Force. They say the Force told him to do what he did. I don't know if that's true, but what if it is? Mommy says that people say things to hurt people but they didn't know I was there. They don't even know who I am.

What if they were right? I don't know what to do. I want to help. I feel like I can help, but I'm scared of being wrong .

I wonder if grown-ups get scared. I bet they don't. Grandma leia and Grandpa Han, Aunt Jaina, Uncle Luke, Ben and Mommy are brave. They do everything.

I don't know what to do. How can I help? I can't go save anybody but there has to be some way to help.

Datapad, today we did a great thing, according to Grandma Leia.

It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote to you. Been very, very busy.

After all everyone came back from trying to help the kids, I told my grandparents about my idea. I had heard them saying that they had found a way to free the kids, but the kids needed a place to go. Iella knows some people who can help the kids find their families again, but they need money. I started thinking where we could get money or a safe place for the kids to go.

Hapes.

Hapes has 63 planets. There are lots of places to stay. Grandma Leia agreed to let me call my mommy and she thought it was a great idea. She said something to Grandma about how not only would it help people, but it'd improve diplomatic relations with the Corellians.

Whatever that means.

Any time the words "diplomatic relations" are said, Grandpa Han rolls his eyes and looks annoyed. Grandma Leia usually tells him to behave or something.

My mommy sure can work fast. She talked to Uncle Luke and some Jedi are coming to help get the kids. They are taking the kids who Iella can't find their families to a shelter on Hapes.

Grandpa said I'm already trying to save the galaxy Solo-style. I'm not really sure what that means.

Now that everything is settled here, we're going to see Selonia and Drall with Wedge, Iella, Myri, Syal, Tycho and Winter. Grandma Leia thinks it's important to my education that I see as many planets as possible. Grandpa Han calls it "Queen Training." I can't wait.

After we're done with that trip, we're going back to Coruscant. Ben is going to be promoted to a Jedi Knight.

I'm really going to miss everyone here, especially Myri. Myri spends a lot of time with me. She has shown me so many neat things to do with make-up and color crawlers. She told me she worked as a dealer on Booster Terrik's Star Destroyer the _Errant Venture._ She said it has a lot of casinos and restaurants. It sounds really neat. I read about casinos and gambling problems with 3PO. According to 3PO, there aren't a lot of people as lucky as Uncle Lando.

I'll see you later, datapad. We're getting ready to head out.

Datapad, sometimes I wonder what exactly is wrong with the people in charge.

Natasi Daala, an old Imperial admiral that captured Grandpa Han, is in charge of the Galactic Alliance. I paid attention to my history lesson about Daala. Grandma said it was really important that I understand our leader's past. I don't understand why she is in power. She's not a very good leader. She's not a good admiral. She seems to do more wrong than good.

I'm so confused.

She's been doing crazy stuff lately. Uncle Luke was kicked off Coruscant because of Darth Cadeus. I guess Cadeus used to be a Jedi. Uncle Luke told me I'll learn about him when I'm older.

There's a lot of fishy information about him. I tried to search his name at the datastation in our apartments, but name is blocked. So is Jacen Solo. I want to try to computers somewhere else. A small part of me says not to, though.

There's something wrong with that. I know there is. I just can't figure it out.

Back to Daala. She then had people follow the Jedi around. Grandma Leia got out of it by leaving. Lando needed some help so we went to Kessel. I don't like Kessel. This dark voice kept calling to me. It made me feel cold. I remember Uncle Luke describing the Dark Side making him feel cold on Dagobah.

I was so happy when we left. Plus, Chance is such a little baby.

Daala took away the watchers. She comes with something new every day. I'm not sure what all she is doing. I watch the news with Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han, but there's so much it's hard to remember. I know there's something about Mandolorians.

Now on to the fun news. Except for Grandpa Han.

Aunt Jaina is getting married! She came over last night and told us. Grandpa Han acted like he didn't like it, but I could tell he was kind of happy. Happy for her, anyways.

He definitely looked happy- after Grandma Leia stepped on his foot. She does that all the time.

She told me later that he is happy for her and stuff.

Anyway, Grandma Leia and I are really excited. I hope I get to be in the wedding. That will be fun.

I bet you were glad to read about stuff happening, datapad, instead of hearing about my annoying lessons.

Oh, I have even more news. I'm going to Dathomir. Ben called us. Uncle Luke needs help or something. I'm not sure what trouble he's gotten into now. My mommy and my grandmother (she died a long time ago) came from there. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han said I could ride a rancor if we ever went there.

I bet they forgot. I can't wait to remind them.

See you later, datapad!

**Age 10**  
Oh, datapad. The saying is right. The truth does hurt.

My father, Jacen Solo, was the Sith Lord Darth Cadeus. He kidnapped me. He ordered the burning of Kashyyyk. He tortured Ben and battled Uncle Luke. He killed Ben's mother, Mara.

I feel like I've been lied to. My whole life has always been full of lies. I spent years believing my father was my mom's friend. I had to live under another name and couldn't admit who my real mother was. Any news or information about my father was hidden from me. Aunt Jaina saw me all the time and never said that she killed Father.

I've been told what Father was like as a child. He loved animals. He was kind-hearted. Is this even true? All I know that is real is this:

My father, Jacen Solo, was a Sith Lord.

I think, deep down, I always knew. Everything I heard, read, and remembered leads to Father being a Sith Lord. Mom told me everything Uncle Luke had found out from his turn. He though that he could make the galaxy safe for me by going dark. How he figured that out, I have no idea. I feel like it's my fault. I know it's not. He made a choice to go bad. I can't help it, though.

It was and wasn't shocking to hear. I remember when he took me. I remember him telling me he loved me. I think that he did. I wonder what happened to him. Uncle Luke said he never got over the death of his brother and that the Yuuzhan Vong did something to his mind. I guess we'll never know. Mom gave me

a box of trinkets and letters she had kept for me. There's some stuff he gave me when I was really little and letters.  
That's not all. There's more.

Aunt Jaina killed Father. She ran a lightsaber through his chest.

She's his sister. How could she have killed him?

Mom and Aunt Jaina sat me down in private and told me everything. Mom thought I was old enough to know the truth. I was angry. I yelled at Aunt Jaina.

Mom made me calm down while Aunt Jaina just let me yell at her. She said she was sorry and that she hated that she had to do it. She told me that if I never wanted to see her again that she understood. I could tell how sorry she was. I apologized, but I'm still angry.

I don't know if I'm angry that no one told me until now or that she killed Father. I know he had to be stopped, but why did he have to die? Uncle Luke saved Anakin Skywalker. Why couldn't my Father be saved? I keep hearing he was too far gone. I don't know what that means.

I know I can forgive Aunt Jaina. She seemed relieved when I told her that I still wanted to see her.

I've always known about the Dark Side. My great-grandfather was Darth Vader. Now I know that the Dark Side is closer to me than I thought. Aunt Jaina told me she fell, but that's not the same as Father falling. He hurt his family. He hurt me and Mom. I don't want to hurt anyone like he did. I'm not going to go dark. Grandpa Han said I should talk to Ben. He told me that he had to forgive Father for killing Aunt Mara. He said that holding onto that anger would lead to darkness.

I think he's right, datapad.

I have my red hair back.

Thank the Force.

Tomorrow I start my first day at the Jedi Academy as Amelia. I begged to keep my red hair and Mom finally agreed. The past month has been ridiculously emotional and hectic. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you up-to-date on this. I'll start at the beginning.

After I found out the truth about my family, Mom said it was time for me to formally train as a Jedi. She wants me to be able to protect myself and on Hapes, you need all the help you can get. These people are crazy! I will be living at the Temple with Uncle Luke and Ben.

He was able to come back to Coruscant, by the way. I'm not sure how he did it, but he outsmarted Daala. And Ben won't be there a lot. He's always running off doing Jedi stuff or flirting with Jysella Horn.

I'm excited about my training. I went to the Temple to work with Uncle Luke until he was kicked off the planet. Grandma Leia and Aunt Jaina worked with me sometimes.

Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han wish I was still living with them, but they'll be okay. They went back to Bastion with Aunt Jaina and her family. Grandpa Han always stalks about turning Lillian into a Rebel. She's only one. It's not like she can pick up much.

Tomorrow I'm going to learn to be a Jedi. 

**Age 17**

Oh, datapad. This is awful. I can't believe it. I want to wake up from this nightmare.

Grandpa Han is dead. He's gone.

The doctors said that all the stress had finally caught up to his body. He died in the Millennium Falcon, in the pilot's chair. He refused to stay in a hospital. I was staying with them when he asked Grandma Leia to go on a flight. I think she knew right then that the end was here. Uncle Luke and Ben were there. We traveled away from Coruscant.

We just drifted through space that afternoon. Grandpa Han stayed in the pilot's chair. Eventually, Uncle Luke made Ben take me to the galley to eat. A half-hour later, we felt his presence disappear. It was horrible. The galaxy felt so much smaller and less safe.

Aunt Jaina called then and Uncle Luke had to tell her he was dead. It was awful. She knew. She had felt it. My cousins Lillian, Arin and Chace felt it.

Grandpa Han wanted to be burned on Hapes, like Uncle Anakin and Father. Aunt Jaina and her family came to Hapes. Being on the Falcon, with him dead, was one of the worst experiences of my life. I stayed holed up in my cabin.

He's being burned in the morning. I need to sleep, but I can't. He was like my father. He raised me. He taught me so much.

I miss him. I miss him so much.

-

Today is the day I take my place in the Hapen Court as Princess Allana Solo Djo. I know that Hapen women don't take their father's last name, but being a Solo is important to me. It matters.

Grandma Leia is here. Since Grandpa Han died, she been splitting her time between here, Bastion and staying with Uncle Luke. I think they have been helping each other. Both have lost a spouse. Aunt Jaina is here, too. She only brought Lililian, thank the Force. My hair has finally grown out from where Arin and Chase burned it.

And Aunt Jaina wonders why I won't babysit when I visit.

I'm ready for this. Mom asked me if I wanted to and I do. It's my birthright.

When I wasn't training to be a Jedi, I went through "Princess training" with Grandma Leia. She put Aunt Jaina through a similar course when Uncle Jag became Emperor of the Empire. Grandpa Han came up with the name.

I wish he was here today.

My gown is waiting for me. Grandma Leia and Mom around going to be in here to do my hair.

I will finally be able to drop the name Amelia. Grandpa Han said years ago that when I was able to use Allana again, I could keep Amelia for disguises. Amelia was the Jedi trainee, adopted daughter of Han and Leia Solo. She was nobody; an orphan with famous parents. She helped fill a hole left by two dead sons.

I get to be Allana, daughter of Tenel Ka Djo and Jacen Solo. I know it will be hard. Mom will continue my Jedi training as much as possible.

Father, I am going to help Mom keep peace in our part of the galaxy. I'm going to make your dream come true, the right way.

I grew up with two different identities. Today, they become one.

I am Allana and Amelia.

The End


End file.
